I Love you, I Hate you
by CrimsonClover
Summary: Harry&Draco Draco and Harry finally get together. This is be the greatest thing ever! Or is it? What happen's when Draco does something terrible(not what you think, I hope...)R


I Love you, I Hate you  
  
By:Vej7  
  
~@~@~@~  
  
Crimson x Clover  
  
PG-13  
  
Slashy, Angst, Multi-chapter, Violence  
  
Enjoy  
  
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/I hear a voice saying "Don't be so blind"  
  
It's telling me all these things...  
  
That you would probably hide...  
  
Am I your one and only desire  
  
Am I the reason you breathe  
  
Or am I the reason you cry.../  
  
It was the beginning of Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts and the beginning of the year banquet was in full swing, but Harry just wasn't in a partying mood. In stead, he just went straight up to the Gryffindor boy's dorm. He sighed and plopped down onto the bed with his trunk set in front of it. Looking about the room, he noticed someone was in the rest room. 'Oh well, probably one of the guys.' He thought. So, he merely lay back and relaxed for a moment, wondering when they would come out and at least talk to him so he wouldn't be so lonely. After a while, no one left the bathroom and he heard the shower come on. Figuring he wouldn't be getting company anytime soon, Harry sat up and began to look around for something to take his mind off of his forbidden and quite impossible love and the loneliness that person's absence cause him. He managed to find a small trinket on the floor. It was a sterling silver- backed emerald clover. As he examined it closer, he discovered that this was a charm from someone's bracelet and that, in the right light, a dragon was coiled around the middle of the little gem. In fact, he was so captivated by the lovely charm, that he didn't realize the shower had stopped or that the bathroom door opened. He didn't even notice when the owner of the pretty decoration stood before him in nothing but a pair of silky boxers.  
  
/Always, Always, Always, Always, Always,  
  
I just can't live without you.../  
  
He did, however, notice when a pair of lips gently tasted his cheek. Harry jumped back and accidentally dropped the precious shimmer of clover he had been admiring seconds ago. He was in almost total shock when he realised just who had been showering in the Gryffindor rest-room and half kissing, half licking his cheek. It was Draco Malfoy, his arch nemesis, standing there in boxers, seeming so innocent with a blush on his cheeks that seemed to proclaim, 'I didn't do it!' But he had done it. For a moment they just stood there, starring at each other. Finally, Draco took a step towards Harry and Harry stepped back one. He had obviously forgotten the bed behind him and fell onto it. Draco took this as his cue to crawl atop of Harry and gently kiss the scar on his forehead. Then, he grinned cutely and stared into Harry's beautiful forest-green eyes. The blond boy then tried to place another one of those kisses onto his love's cheek. It was at this point that the pinned boy began to struggle and fight against his capture. "Harry, why are you fighting me?" "W-why do you think, Malfoy!? You don't just up and decide to seduce your arch-rival for no good reason!" Draco looked down and twiddled his fingers, " But I have a good reason. . ." He whispered fragilely and under his breath. "And what is that!?! ' Gee, I'm horny! I think I'll go play with Potter's emotions until I feel better!' Well, I'm not in the mood!"  
  
/I love you, I hate you...  
  
I can't live without you,  
  
I breathe you, I taste you...  
  
I can't live without you/  
  
There was a long pause while Harry glared defiantly away into the shadows and Draco tried to hide his tears. After a moment of the deafening silence, Draco finally gave way to his tears as Harry looked up at him. The silver eyes glittered with drops of sorrow and pain as Draco rolled off Harry and sobbed into the back of his hand. Harry just didn't know what to think. Yes, he loved Draco, but he knew that the other boy hated him with a passion and those tears were heart-wrenching. Just as he opened his mouth to apologize, Draco started to try speaking through his hiccupful crying. "I-I'mm s-s-sorry. I... I don't know wh-what I was th-thinkingg. I'll g-go, n-now." He got up to leave, still sniveling into his hand in the most pitiful manner. Harry felt his own eyes water slightly as Draco slowly walked across the room to the door. Draco was about to put his hand on the knob to turn it when he heard Harry's voice calling him. He turned around to look at Harry and make sure he heard right.  
  
/I feel... Like you don't want me around  
  
I guess I'll pack all my things  
  
I guess I'll see you around  
  
Inside, it bottles up until now  
  
As I walk out your door  
  
All I hear is the sound...  
  
Always, Always, Always, Always, Always  
  
I just can't live without you./  
  
"Draco! Wait!" He pounced up and ran over to the Slytherin beauty," I'm the one who should be sorry here, I accused you wrongly of something terrible when you were just trying to open up to me. And, if you'd like, we can try it from where we left off, 'kay?" Draco's eyes lite up and he nodded enthusiastically and followed Harry to the bed. They both sat down and looked at the floor. Harry finally worked up the nerve to glance over at Draco, he smiled at the slightly pink cheeks directly under those tear-kissed eyes of silver. His hair was beautiful, not like all other blondes, spun of golden sun's rays, but like the moon. Light and soft. He absent-mindedly reached out to touch those silky strands. "Huh?" Draco suddenly looked up at Harry with a questioning look. Harry just smiled at him as his fingers worked through Draco's hair. The young blond rubbed back up against the massaging fingers, making kitteny sounds in his throat. Soon, they were kissing, lightly, each other's necks and lips. This slowly died down to lying there in each other's arms, running fingers through each other's hair. Harry lay on Draco's chest with his eyes closed, snoozing slightly. Draco began too hum a soft love song and Harry giggled. After a moment or two, Harry looked up at Draco and gently nudged his head against the other boy's chin. Draco shifted so that he could look at his beloved without having to move him.  
  
/I love you, I hate you...  
  
I can't live without you,  
  
I breathe you, I taste you...  
  
I can't live without you/  
  
"Yes?" The light blond asked Harry. "Draco... I was wondering if you... Well, you know..."*blush* "I'm afraid I don't know, Harry. Please tell me." He murmured. Harry blushed. "Do you like me?" Draco smirked against the rough strands of messy black hair. "Yes." Another light kiss upon his scar, this time Draco licked the zigzag pattern up and down. Harry Blushed and sighed. "I love you..." Harry muzzled into Draco's collarbone. A soft hand patted his head as he hid beneath his rival's neck. "And I you, sweet prince." Harry blushed, then looked up at Draco and smiled with happy tears in his eyes. Draco smiled upon the boy lying on his stomach and pulled him up to be cradled in his arms. Harry made soft sounds, acknowledgment of happiness, while snuggling into Draco's warmth. "Really, Draco?" Harry whispered in a small uncertain way. The position was really intimate and made Harry blush even more. One of his legs was propped up at the thigh on Draco's arm and the other was around the Slytherin boy's waist, pulling them closer. Harry was sitting between Draco's knees. He leaned up into a kiss as Draco's lips targeted his own. And for a moment, the just kissed and kissed. Until Draco pulled away to lightly nip at Harry's ear and Take off the boy's glasses. "Yes, Love, really. Really to the end of time and on and on after that." Harry blushed and looked up at Draco in a cautious yet wanton way. The blond smiled and tilted his head to lick and suck at Harry's lips. 'The Boy Who Lived' gasped and Draco took this as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. Passionate moans and gasps filled the room as Draco kissed Harry's lips and mouth in a dizzy dance of pleasure. After a long moment, the kiss was over and they both panted and nuzzled against each other. Then Draco decided that it was about time for another on of those soul-stealing kisses. This time he shoved off Harry's robes and cloak. The Gryffindor boy shivered in the cold of the room, but didn't want to stop. Then Draco began working at his shirt and tie, and, finally, Harry's shirt lay open and un-tucked from his pants.  
  
/I love you, I hate you...  
  
I can't live without you,  
  
I breathe you, I taste you...  
  
I can't live without you/  
  
Draco broke the kiss and started down Harry's chest, after looking for a moment or to of the bronzed flesh. He kissed at everything; Collarbone, shoulders, elbows, chest, ribcage, bellybutton, juncture...! Harry jerked away from the touch. 'That was way too much for their first meeting' he'd thought, until those lovely eyes looked up to plead with him. "D-Draco, how far are you planning t-to go?" Draco smiled softly and reassuringly. A beautiful smile... "As far as you'll let me, angel." "Can we not go s-so fast? Slow it down j-just a little? Please?" "Of course, how much?" Draco massaged Harry's temples and ruffled his hair, grinning when the boy laughed after such a tense exchange. Harry looked at him with love in his eyes. The love that made Draco's life bearable and a pleasure when Harry was near him. "Um,... I liked it when we were kissing and you started at my neck..." Draco smiled and kissed vigorously at Harry's neck, leaving a hickey on the pale skin. Then he started back down the chest. This time he stopped to worship every bit of Harry and had the boy gasping before he'd even gotten to the bellybutton. Draco began taking off Harry's pants. "Draco...?" Harry looked down at him with such pretty, passion-painted cheeks and glistening emerald eyes. Draco grinned. "Yes, my lovely?" Harry was gasping and blush and driving Draco crazy with want to kiss those lips so red with blood they looked as though they would bleed if he dare touch them. He kissed them anyway, savoring his lover's taste. " Love you, Clover." Draco looked at him with a softly questioning glint in his eyes. "Where'd that nicname come from, pet?" Harry looked around for a moment then told Draco about the pretty charm he'd seen and couldn't find now. Draco told him they'd find it in the morning. "Love you too, Crimson." Harry looked at him with curiosity. "Song I heard, Crimson and Clover." Harry smiled and rubbed Draco's thighs and back. Draco sighed happily as they started back up again. Harry smiled to himself, this would be the best night of his life and he'd never forget the feel of Draco's lips kissing him or Draco's hands on his hips and everywhere else. He was in love, for the first time in his life, and it was beautiful.  
  
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/I left my hand around your heart,  
  
Why would you tear my world apart/  
  
Later on that night, Draco slowly sat up in bed and looked over at his new love. He smiled and place a kiss upon that soft hair before getting up to go to the bathroom. Once inside he looked around and found a razor. The sharp metal of it glimmered in the light, and he knew there was no spell of uncut on this one. He knew because he'd taken it off of it this evening. This evening when he had needed the pain to punish himself. He needed it again now. Raising a finger to run along the blade, he smiled as it caused blood to dribble quickly. Slowly he lifted his arm and lightly cut his side. 'I've failed them! ' Another shallow slice. 'Father, mother, everyone! ' Another. 'Harry...' He placed the razor at his arm near the elbow. 'I couldn't keep you from my sickness.' Deeper. 'I couldn't and now you're sick like me!' Deeper. 'Love, I'm sorry.' Deeper. Darco realized that if he cut any deeper, the bone would show. He grabbed a wet towel and wiped the cuts then placed gauze tightly over the whole arm. Repositioning the razor on his leg, he slashed at it repeatedly, mentally scolding himself about the sickness and pain he caused people. After the skin of both his legs was shredded to ribbons and the cut and scrapped muscle showed and bled far too much. He climbed over to the tub and turned on the water. Letting it run to about half-full and then climbing in, gauze clinched in his hand along with the razor. He sat back and watched the pure, glistening water slowly ghost into dim crimson. 'Harry... I stained you for life, I'm sorry! '  
  
/Always, Always, Always, Always, Always/  
  
A deep slice through his stomach and he gasped with the 'healing' pain. 'Please, ...Harry, just hate me and stop being broken! Please! ' A strike to his shoulder. A loud crack let him know that the collarbone was severed completely, he felt nothing but the dull throb of terrible pains. 'P- Please, just go back to the way it was before! Just hate me! ' A long, deep one down the thigh of his right leg then left. A slip of the razor nicked his hip as he thought about losing the sweet Gryffindor angel to hatred. And he cut the hip deeper for wanting to further "poison" that pure creature. 'PLEASE!! Just Stop Loving Me!! HARRY!!! ' Draco sobbed brokenly, slashing his face. Cutting little crosses in to the flesh. Cutting a large one into his chest cutting it over a few times 'til he was too dizzy to think anymore and he fell back in the tub. His head made a loud "THUNK" against the porcelain and, that too, was soon covered in the blood he didn't seem to want.  
  
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Meanwhile, the celebration continued with only the 1st through 3rd years having been sent to bed. A few of the teachers were starting to wonder where Harry and Draco were this evening. It was normal for students their age to leave with someone after the first half of the ball, but to not show up at all, that was weird. "Where do you think they are, Severus?" Asked Minerva Mcgonagoll (How the heck do you spell her name?), turning to Snape. "Why don't you go check the Gryffindor's room, Minerva. You the Slytherin's, and I'll ask their friends." Dumbledore said. Snape and Mcgonagoll nodded and went in separate directions. Dumbledore got up to go ask Hermoine and Ron about it.  
  
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/I see, the blood all over your hands...  
  
Does it make you feel like more of a man,  
  
Was it all, just a part of your plan,  
  
This pistol's shakin' in my hands  
  
And all I ask is the sound.../  
  
Harry shifted in bed as he heard the door open. He dismissed the noise as Draco coming out of the bathroom. "Harry?" Evergreen eyes opened to look up at his professor. The he realized, that, as he had sat up, the covers had slinked around his lower hip area. Not really graphic, but VERY embarrassing. He covered himself up to his chest with them and then his neck as he remembered the hickey. "Oh, that's a relief! Now, the only person we have to find is Malfoy." Harry looked around in the bed and confusion dawned on him. Where was his clover-angel, now? Was it just a one-night stand? Harry couldn't suppress the sadness in his expression. "Something wrong, Harry?" "He was here just a minute ago, I was wondering where he went." "Ha ha. It must have been a dream, Harry. Why would Malfoy be he-" that was the moment that she realised the bathroom light was on and a puddle of some red substance was all over the tile floor. She crept toward the door, unable to think anything but, 'please, please, don't let that be blood!! ' She went through the doorway and saw the awful mess. The sight sent her into a panicked, yet orderly, chain reaction. First of all, she grabbed her wand and began saying chants to seal the wounds and second, would have been, transporting herself and Draco to Madam Pomfrey's infirmary. But she decided to take Harry along too.  
  
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/I love you, I hate you  
  
I can't live without you  
  
I just can't take this anymore  
  
This life of solitude  
  
I pick myself up off the floor  
  
And now I'm done with you...  
  
Always... Always... Always.../  
  
After seeing what had happened, Harry had just kept starring at his only love's mangled body. So many questions buzzed through his head; Who would have done this? Why sweet Draco? Why tonight, of all nights? WHY!?!? Mcgonagoll, after seeing to Draco, walked over to Harry and roughly grabbed him by the shirt, dragging him down the hall. "Wait, Professor! I want to stay here! What if-" "You can't! You have to come and explain how this happened and why Malfoy was in your bathroom!" So, Harry was dragged off, away from the boy that had stolen his beating heart and made it shine. Harry clutched tightly to the blanket wrapped around him and tried to pretend it was his sweet lover's arms. He prayed for Draco's health as he walked down those cold damp hallways to the headmaster's office and he cried softly to himself.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
I'm welcome and open for comments and suggestions, but flames will only make the cauldron boil hotter. : P ( Moero, Moero!* )*Burn, Burn! 


End file.
